so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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