Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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