Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize