it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize