I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
