First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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