I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My dick has a subreddit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
