dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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