fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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