Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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