I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
