No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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