i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even my farts smell like vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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