I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
