I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize