there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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