I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize