hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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