Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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