There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
