just come out here and I will go home with you...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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