Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
