I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
