ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He felt like a one man threesome
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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