how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize