i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
