It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
