Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
