I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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