Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
