if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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