i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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