A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
