I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
