Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
