This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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