You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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