me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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