I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
