I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
