i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
