I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
