the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
