She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
