i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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