"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
