it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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