I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
FUCK WHALES
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
