So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
