I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
