im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
