he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
