So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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