I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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