No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize