Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
