Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
