And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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