she woke up with a sticky ear
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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