Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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