im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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