And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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