HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
