They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
tell me about the eggs
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