Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
