I wannas sexs uuuuu
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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