The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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