dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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