like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize