Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
