Duck Duck Cougar?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
