why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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