that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
